Euphoric Recall: Why We Romanticize Toxic Relationships and How to Break Free

There’s this strange thing that happens after a relationship ends, especially if it was abusive or toxic. You find yourself playing back memories like some nostalgic film reel. Except it’s heavily edited. You see the smiles, the shared laughter, the times when everything felt right — even if those moments were just brief respites in a sea of pain. It’s like your mind is purposefully skipping over all the arguments, manipulation, and emotional bruises. That’s euphoric recall. And, frankly, it’s a bit of a trap.

I’ve been there — maybe you have, too. Reminiscing about an ex who was no good for you but still feeling that pang of longing for them. You think about the nights they held you close, their sweet words that hit like honey, and those fleeting moments of affection that, in hindsight, were just bait. But the reality is, despite those “good” moments, the relationship was full of heartache. So why, then, do we keep clinging to those selective memories?

What Exactly Is Euphoric Recall?

Euphoric recall is your mind’s way of distorting the past, focusing on the positive moments and erasing the bad. It’s the brain’s subtle trick — like it’s trying to protect you from the harsh reality of what actually happened. That rosy highlight reel? It’s not the full story. It conveniently skips the times they belittled you, made you feel worthless, or left you questioning your sanity. But why does our brain do this to us?

Part of the answer lies in brain chemistry. When we fall in love or form attachments — especially to someone toxic — our brain releases these powerful chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. They’re the same chemicals that make us feel good, connected, and happy. And even when the relationship is long over, our brain craves that same rush. So it digs up memories of the times when we felt those highs, conveniently forgetting that those moments were sandwiched between periods of chaos, control, and manipulation.

Euphoric Recall as a Survival Mechanism

Euphoric recall is also a way of coping. It’s our brain trying to make sense of the relationship, trying to justify why we stayed as long as we did. It wants to convince us that the love we felt wasn’t misplaced, that we weren’t foolish for falling for someone who ultimately hurt us. It can even be a form of denial — minimizing the abuse or convincing yourself that it wasn’t “that bad.” But here’s the reality: It was that bad. And no amount of selective memory can change that.

The Trap of Loneliness and Fear

Let’s talk about loneliness for a minute. Euphoric recall often shows up when you’re alone, when you’re vulnerable, and when you start questioning whether you made the right decision to leave. Maybe you start remembering the way they used to make you laugh, or those rare moments of affection that made you feel seen. Suddenly, you find yourself rewriting the past, downplaying the abuse, and wondering if it was really worth ending things.

But here’s the truth: Euphoric recall is a trap. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of romanticizing what was never real. It convinces you to return to relationships that drained your spirit or, even worse, lures you into new ones that are just as toxic.

How to Break Free from Euphoric Recall

So, how do you stop the brain from playing this cruel trick on you? How do you stop the longing, the nostalgia, and the rewriting of history? It starts with taking control of the narrative and owning the truth of what really happened.

1. Acknowledge the Reality
   Euphoric recall is natural, but it’s not the whole truth. One way to combat it is to write down all the negative experiences from the relationship. Make a list of the times they hurt you, manipulated you, or made you question your worth. When those happy memories start creeping in, read that list. Remind yourself why you left. Remind yourself why it wasn’t healthy.
2. Self-Reflection
   Take some time to reflect on the relationship objectively. What patterns were there? Was it a cycle of highs and lows, affection followed by abuse? Journaling can help you process this. It’s a way of making sense of the relationship without the filter of euphoric recall clouding your judgment.
3. Reframe the Memories
   When a positive memory pops up, balance it out with a more realistic one. This doesn’t mean you have to erase all the good memories completely, but remember them within the context of the relationship as a whole. Don’t let those brief moments of happiness rewrite the truth.
4. Sometimes, we need an outside perspective to help us break through the fog.

This session is perfect if you’re seeking a one-time conversation to get the validation you need, gain insight into your situation, and receive advice. You don’t need to commit to ongoing coaching, and no client agreement is required for this single session. If you don’t work with me, I always always recommend getting support.

Healing takes time. It’s okay to have mixed feelings about the past. It’s normal to feel conflicted, to sometimes miss the good parts, even if they were part of an otherwise painful relationship. But be kind to yourself during this process. You’ve come this far, and you have the strength to keep moving forward.

You deserve better than to be trapped by the selective memories of an abusive relationship. You deserve a love that is safe, consistent, and nurturing — not just in flashes, but all the time. Euphoric recall might make you question your choices, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future.

Please feel free to reach out to me at emotionalabusecoach.com.