How to Heal from a Trauma Bond — 5 Steps to Put You on a Path to Recovery
Leaving an abusive or narcissistic relationship isn’t always as easy as walking away. When you’ve developed a trauma bond, it can feel draining and impossible to break. Deep down, you know that the relationship is toxic, but leaving it behind can cause a lot of pain and even seem terrifying.
If you find yourself stuck in a trauma bond, there are steps you can take to recover. It requires unlearning the survival tactics you’ve learned over the years in the relationship and learning new ways to cope and heal from the trauma.
What is a Trauma Bond?
A trauma bond is an intense emotional connection and attachment between an abuser and the abused. When a person is locked into a toxic relationship, the ups and downs can lead to a powerful yet unhealthy bond. The abused begins to become keenly aware of everything the abuser says, does, and wants, neglecting their own sense of self, value, and needs.
A toxic relationship usually begins with love bombing or showing love and affection beyond what a person might be used to, creating strong feelings. When the abuse begins, it can be surprising. It begins small and escalates over time as it gets harder and hard to leave. Trauma bonding can happen between children and caregivers, people in relationships, and victims of crimes or kidnapping.
How to Heal and Recover from Trauma Bonds
Trauma bonds are stronger than a normal bond between two people and can be difficult to break and takes a lot of work. These steps can help you move forward in your healing.
Recognize the Existence of the Trauma Bond — Before you can move forward and heal, you have to first recognize that the trauma bond is there. Start by being direct and honest with yourself about the situation.
Keep a Journal — Write down your feelings and the events that happen within the day to help you identify and notice patterns with the abuser and their behavior. After you leave, refer to incidents to remind you why you left. Keeping a journal can help you track and better understand your feelings.
Talk to the People You Love — It’s difficult to talk about the bonds created through trauma with the people closest to you. You’re more likely to feel shame and concern they may not understand. Maybe they have warned you about the abuse and have told you to leave for months or even years. The people who love you the most will show nothing but support and can offer fresh perspectives. If you feel as if you can’t talk to them just yet, you can seek help from a professional.
Avoid Self-Blame — In a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, they will convince you that the abuse and unhealthy relationship is all your fault. The guilt, shame, and blame you begin to put on yourself keep them in control. Take deep breaths and remind yourself that it’s not your fault and that you do deserve better. Positive self-talk and affirmations can build up your confidence to leave and stay away.
Get Help — These bonds are much more difficult to break than the average bond within a relationship. You can certainly try to work through them on your own, but seeking help from a professional can help you to better understand the patterns of abuse and provide insight and clarity.
The abuse you experienced is never your fault, and you deserve a life of happiness. Regaining and reaffirming your self-worth can help you to finally begin to heal and move forward.
You don’t have to take on a trauma bond on your own, and healing is imperative in helping you find peace and happiness in your life as you move forward. I offer a Trauma Bond Recovery Course designed to help you find healing from an emotionally abusive or narcissistic relationship.
You can also listen to my podcast, Relationship Recovery Podcast, to provide support and insights as you work through healing your trauma bond. Start with my episode Trauma Bonding and How We Can Heal, and go from there.
