The Narcissist Toolkit: 7 Common Tools Narcissists Use to Manipulate and Control You
When you’re in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, it can be hard to spot the tactics and behaviors they use against you. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and engage in a wide range of behaviors that can demean, hurt, degrade, and exploit you, leaving you questioning your sense of self while they maintain control over your life.
Understanding their behaviors can help you identify the abuse and regain control of your life and begin to heal. Read on to learn 7 common tools narcissists use to manipulate and control you.
Gaslighting — Gaslighting is one of the most common and deceptive forms of mental abuse that narcissists use to exert their power over you. It’s a manipulative behavior that narcissists use to make you question yourself, your memories, and your reality. They will distort your reality in order to maintain control over you.
Projecting — Narcissists will often use projection to shift the blame when they are feeling big, overwhelming feelings. Whatever negative feelings they may have, they will accuse you of those feelings. For example, they will accuse you of being angry when in reality, they are angry but just uncomfortable and unable to manage those feelings.
Love Bombing — Love bombing is one of the most painful tools a narcissist uses. They will shower you with love, gifts, attention, and energy, making you feel good while giving you hope. Often this begins at the beginning of the relationship to hook you, making you fall head over heels. Once they feel you love them, they will withdraw, leading you into an endless cycle of love bombing, abuse, and back around to love bombing.
Minimizing — With minimizing, narcissists will minimize anything that might make them look or feel bad. They often blame others for their misdeeds or behaviors and even outright deny the incident. They will also minimize your feelings or needs and make you question your self-worth.
Word Salad — A common tool narcissists use against you is the word salad stringing together words and phrases that make no sense. They’ll start speaking with no direction jumping from one topic to another to make your mind run in circles, ultimately confusing you.
Smear Campaign — Narcissists will spread false information and exaggerations to isolate and discredit you. They will create a smear campaign and spread it throughout your closest friends and family leaving you isolated with minimal support. If you try and report the abuse too often, you may be treated as if you’re the one that is causing all the problems. This is often called triangulation, where the narcissist will bring in a “third party” to take their side getting others to act against you.
Ad Hominem Arguments — This is a type of argument style narcissists will use to avoid responsibility or accountability for their actions. When you bring up an issue with the narcissist, they will shift the conversation to a personal attack on your beliefs, personality, actions, and character. It will shift the conversation, forcing you to defend yourself.
Understanding the many tools narcissists use to manipulate can help you better prepare to protect yourself. Narcissists will abuse you with these tools to make you question your reality, isolate you, and lower your self-esteem to exhibit control over you. They will do whatever it takes to prevent you from leaving. Learning the tools and tactics they use against you is of the first steps towards escaping the abusive relationship, healing, and finding peace.
Escaping an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissistic partner is never easy, and you don’t have to do it alone. My Emotional Abuse Breakthrough Course can help you learn and identify the abuse and give you the tools to take control of your life and set yourself up for success.
My podcast, Relationship Recovery Podcast, covers every aspect of emotional abuse and dealing with narcissists. Each episode can provide valuable insights that can help you navigate your personal healing journey.
